Weakness

Man, I don't know whether it was PMS or what, but I was just CRAVING chocolate this morning. For breakfast I had Mediterranean morning mix (for those not familiar with Simply for Life...fruit mixture with yogurt cottage cheese and almonds). Then I kept snacking and had ice cream, a slice of bread and a couple flax seed cookies. A pretty large breakfast! Sometimes it just gets away from me. I went to train shortly thereafter so I probably used some of the extra calories and protein anyway.

Praise God, I didn't get into binging. Binging is one thing I struggle with and I know it will be the one thing that could hold me back as I train.

Something I truly believe is that the closer we get to God, the more we are subject to temptation because Satan is looking to trip up our witness. So, I look at every temptation as something to make me stronger as a woman of God.

Vacation!

It's officially day 3 of my new training schedule. Doing well. Feeling good. Pain is gone, but I trained my legs again today so we'll see how I feel in a couple days. I trained hard but I decreased the weight a bit because I want to be able to function at least somewhat this weekend! Getting used to how to organize my eating and exercising routine around my work schedule. I have been working at the hospital most of the weekend until yesterday and I'm so excited that today is the first day of my VACATION!!! Going on a road trip this weekend! I LOVE road trips!

Unfortunately, sometimes I come home after working several days in a row and all I see is what needs to be done around the house...stuff that didn't get done while I was working. I get ambitious but I get irritated with my family sometimes...something I am continuing to pray about. I had to take a few minutes and relax in front of the computer and write this just to reorganize my thoughts.

...I think I just need some time away from home which will happen this weekend!

I have one more thing to say. Training has NOT affected my coordination! I wish it would. Last night at supper in the cafeteria at work I put my supper tray on top of the microwave, but obviously not over far enough. It started to topple and crash to the floor. I tried to save the tray but instead my hot green tea splattered on my arm. I am now nursing a couple second degree burn spots on my left forearm!

....maybe I need a vacation from my body!

Training Torture!

Man, it's been a struggle but an awesome week! I haven't worked my legs with weights in months and I was so excited to start working them again. I started with my friend and trainer last week. I get very motivated and competitive when I work with other people. Felt great after my workout last week. However the next few days after that were....HOLY COW...pure torture! The next day my legs were stiff and sore. The day after, my legs were in pure PAIN! I was plugging high doses of Tylenol and ibuprofen to get through my day at work. I have a very physical job as an RN. Lifting patients may not be so bad just using the arms, but to lift using proper body mechanics, the legs are highly involved as well. By the end of the day I was half tempted to kick some of the patients out of their wheelchairs for my own use! Admittedly, there were even points where I considered killing my trainer! Even though I was almost in tears with pain, it was an AWESOME feeling! I loved it! To feel and know those muscles are being pushed to grow, I realize I am sculpting my body. It is an art form...a way I can worship the Lord.

Reflection: Following God's Will

It never ceases to amaze me how God can use different people and circumstances to really allow us to grow in wisdom, love and fellowship with Him. The most amazing thing is that sometimes I think I have things figured out, but then God shows me a completely different path. There's a lot of things I still need to work through in my life. God has given us all desires in our hearts and sometimes we struggle with discerning what is God's will and what is our own selfish manipulation of God's will.

Since I've lost weight, my life has been totally turned upside down. I'm not a different person, but rather I am becoming the person that was always inside struggling to get out...the confident woman of God that I have been scared to face. I used my weight as a cage and locked myself in, using food to suppress traumatic things in my childhood. I know I'm not alone in saying that there is often something underlying addictions that we don't want to deal with. Things in our past whether physical/sexual abuse, bullying, illness, death, family issues, other traumas and stress, they all can be suppressed. The Lord is the Ultimate Counselor, Healer and Friend. He loves us and can help us overcome any or all these issues once we surrender them all at His feet. What a feeling of FREEDOM!

Now more than ever, I am ready to follow through with physical training!

My Life, My Body, God's Will, His Temple

I am sitting here in my living room praying for the right words to say. I started a blog once before but was never consistent. My life has changed so dramatically in the last year and a half that I scarce know where to even begin. I am hoping that by blogging I will gain more insight into who I am and maybe even perhaps provoke whoever ends up reading this to really stop and consider who they are and who they are becoming! Life is full of so many uncertainties. There is one certainty in life and He wants to get to know us and show us His will for our lives. However, it is in those uncertainties that make this world so interesting. Serendipitous events show us God's hand in our lives. Thus has been my world for the past year and a half. I need to tell my back story. For more info, you can refer to my previous unfinished blog.

In February of 2007 I weighed in at 298 lbs and felt the worst I had ever felt in my life. I had prayed for God to be able to help me to lose weight for years and struggled with yo yo dieting. I was disillusioned ready to give up on life. I joined Simply For Life that month and within the first 2 weeks I knew that God was finally answering my prayer. In only 5 months I lost just over 100 lbs and in total I have lost 130-135 lbs.

Now I am moving towards a new goal. I believe the next step God has for me is training and possibly moving towards a bodybuilding figures competition. I started more intense training in January and tonight I had my first official meeting with my personal trainer. I am very excited. I was so mistaken about bodybuilding. It is only about vanity if you make it about vanity. For many it is about diligence and making your body the best it can be. For me, it is taking care of my body and making it the healthiest I can as a form of worship to God.

I Corinthians 6:19-20 states:
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Romans 12:1-2 states:
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.