Freedom

To write everything that has happened since my last blog, I would be writing a novel I think!

Perhaps one of the most significant things that has happened has been that, due to unrelated but very unfortunate circumstances, my trainer is no longer my trainer. I've been sad because I feel like I've lost my friend as well as my trainer. However, it has forced me to truly look at what I do as a bodybuilder and the motivation behind it. I realized when I lose sight of my focus, food starts to replace my relationship with God. I'm motivated at the gym, but it's sometimes more perfunctory than spiritual. I think stress over the idea of doing a bodybuilding show is getting to me. I get really competitive with training, then I sabotage myself sometimes by binging. I realize what I really want is to keep God as my focus. My body is God's temple and I've been treating this temple like a piece of trash the last few weeks. I decided to shift my focus away from doing a show in November because my training is not about showing off my body, but about allowing God to work through me and sculpt my body into the best and healthiest it can be. It's not about me, my trainer or the show; I'm bodybuilding for God.

Galatians 5:1 states: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." I know God has set me free from these chains, yet I turn back to food in response to my stress and insecurity instead of trusting in God and His unconditional love for me.

This weekend I have been thinking so much about freedom in Christ. Last night I went to a park with a couple friends and we went to swing on the swing set. I didn't realize that it would be such a powerful moment for me. The last time I sat on a swing, I was too large to be able to propel myself and actually swing. I was up SO high and I felt this indescribable sense of freedom. I was so moved that I started crying. There were so many things I couldn't do when I was obese and I was a slave to my food addiction.

A coworker recently asked me if I had a Bucket List. I admit I have not seen the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, but the idea of making a list has always intrigued me. I am not going to make a "Bucket List", but instead I think I am going to make a "Freedom List". The list will contain things I might want to do now that I am free from the physical bondage of my weight and free in my relationship with God. I have prayed and will continue to pray about this.